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Please forgive me

Please forgive me

Posted By
5/15/2019 10:10am
Replies: 11

I'm sure I'm being way over dramatic, and I realise that panicking serves no good purpose, and I don't want to upset anyone... but the bottom is falling out my world and I am so scared.

The love of my life is 9 months pregnant with our first baby. She has had a dodgy looking mole for years, many years. Finally I convinced her to have it seen to, and at this stage all that has happened is the first consultation (within 2 weeks of seeing her GP). The dermatologist didn't hesitate in saying that it needed to be removed. I'm throwing money at the problem and having it removed tomorrow. With 4 weeks until the baby is due, I can't have her in even MORE discomfort.

The mole is 15mm across, flat, dark patches, asymmetrical... all the scary things. It's remained the same ( iTHINK/hope) for many years, but it's all feeling VERY real. We have no support due to other family health problems. We don't want to worry them unduly.

I was so desperate for her to have a nice relaxed end to her pregnancy and to treasure the happiest time in her life, and now I, and I am sure she, are so scared it physically hurts. I'm scared for the worst, I'm scared for the babe, I'm scared of the stress it's causing... I never understood the term petrified until today.

I've got so many questions, but I don't even want her to see me researching in case she catches this fear. So far, I'm downplaying everything for her... saying that it's just having a little mole removed.... on some level I am sure she's as scared, but I just can't stop seeing it as carcinoma, nothing else looks like this...

I'm going to burst. If anyone out there can magically make things better, that would be GREAT! I just don't know what to do.

ourvan - (5/15/2019 - 12:43pm)

I'm so sorry that you have this fear and stress at what should be an exciting time in your lives. If words can be magic, you'll get plenty of that here - everyone is supportive and can often lend just the right amount of hope in any situation. Unfortunately, everyone's experience spans the breadth of emotions, but we've all been in similar situations. After my diagnosis I'd wake up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back to sleep, my heart seemed like it was constantly going to beat out of my chest, and my fears were foremost on my mind in whatever I was doing. The thing I was able to take away from this forum is that we're among friends who only want to ease your mind with information, support and hope, and reading about what others have been through actually brought some peace. They're the people that I didn't have to burden with worry, and I gathered strength from the stories others had to share. The other thing I learned was how advanced the treatments are now, and that there are many possibilities for successful outcomes even with the worst diagnosis. Take a deep breath and wait for the results (easier said than done, I know), and then take the next step and then another. In my case I felt better after I had my surgery, and was luckily staged at 1B. I've got a whole new perspective on life and adventures and mortality - that's a lesson I needed.
Congratulations on the pending arrival of your little miracle! Wishing you both peace of heart and mind.

Anonymous - (5/15/2019 - 12:52pm)

Laurie, you're a good egg. Thank you. Everything you say is so right. It's lovely to hear it the rational things you tell yourself said by someone else. The nasty little irrational bugger currently taking up most of my mind can be awful annoying. In a world of medical jargon and fearfuly impersonal data, it's nice to have been able to share somewhere.
I felt like a sort of fraud posting without a diagnosis, but having read a great deal of the forum, I realised that the community is largely made up of good eggs.

Thank you. Truly. I'm sorry that your life has been affected and all I can say is thank you. I hope for the best possible outcome for your journey.

Bugger the world, I'm having a drink!

ourvan - (5/15/2019 - 1:22pm)

I so wish there was a "like" button on these posts! Have one for me, too!

AshleyS - (5/15/2019 - 8:09pm)

Hi there. I actually only check this board anymore for folks looking for advice on melanoma and pregnancy. My first pregnancy brought on a weird looking mole, which I let go. It was Stage 1b melanoma. During my second pregnancy I found a lump in my groin. Long story short, my melanoma ended up progressing to Stage IV.

So, my story may not be incredibly reassuring at first. Here’s the good news: I’ve been cancer-free for nearly four years. I went through a lot but I survived. My son is a super kid.

In addition, I’ve learned that skin is hard to predict. This winter I had a “mole” change rapidly. I was 99.7% sure it was melanoma. It turned out being a keratosis (nothing concerning).

Take a breath and wait for the news and stay off the internet. (I know, easier said than done.) Also, be thankful you caught it and were progressive.

Best of luck,


Twhite00000 - (5/15/2019 - 9:08pm)

you have taken the first and most important step. While the mole being flat is no indication how deep it may be and is a positive sign and I am wishing you, your wife and your new baby the best. I am a 9yr survivor and in that 9yrs I have gotten to see my three children graduate college and start successful careers, my oldest got married, my second engaged, and my youngest flourish while I fight my battle. You and your family will have many years of new experiences, I know the waiting can be overwhelming but ALWAYS stay positive it is the secret to getting through these tough times. All the best.

Anonymous - (5/20/2019 - 3:27pm)

Ok lovely people, I'm reaching out once again...

I've had the letter after the excision (before any results have appeared, the histonomy has yet to be completed) but this is what the doctor said to his colleague.

..."Today, on examination, the mole which has been present a long time has certainly changed. The mole measures approximately 10 mm x 8 mm on the mid-back. Dermascopically, there is an atypical pigment network. The overall appearance is of a ? dysplastic naevus ? melanoma in situ. I have arranged for this lesion to be excised under local anaesthetic."...

..."I excised the lesion with a 3-4 mm margin under local anaesthetic and closed the defect with 3’0 vicryl and 4’0 ethilon continuous lock sutures. The wound was dressed with steri-strips and mepore. I have advised her to have the sutures removed in 10-12 days’ time. I will write back with the results."...

Does this mean anything? Can anyone help me understand what this might mean? Again, this is pre any histology result, this is just how he has described the excision.

Any help would be MUCH appreciated!

Twhite00000 - (5/20/2019 - 4:14pm)

you need the pathology report. You mention the lesion was not raised that is good. But it really depends how deep the lesion went. Once you get a staging you can discuss a course of action with your oncologist. as I said before you took the first step, removing the lesion. wish you the best, melanoma at stage 0 or I is curable with surgery hoping this is the case for you but if not you still have many options.

Aaargh - (5/20/2019 - 4:52pm)

Thank you for your input. As you might imagine, I'm looking for clues to an answer wherever I can get them... patience is a virtue I don't possess.

Anonymous - (5/20/2019 - 4:56pm)

Secondary question... if the first excision shows signs of malignant melanoma, does that necessitate a second wider surgery? Are there cases when the original excision suffice?
I'm sorry for asking here, I can't really make sense of what I'm reading elsewhere, and you lovely people seem so much more forthcoming and straightforward. (Thank you)

sing123 - (5/28/2019 - 9:07am)

Aww, you sound lovely. I can only share from my own experience, but I believe that if the first surgery shows clean margins and the melanoma does not recur in that same place, there is no need for a second. If she is however, staged at a III or higher they may/will recommend what is called adjuvant therapy (in addition to surgery). I know it is terribly scary, as it is a great unknown at this point, but we are in the new age when people are living with and surviving melanoma. The rock star researchers who've invented immunotherapy, and all the brave folks who've offered themselves up for trials have brought us to this very hopeful place. I was diagnosed with IIIc. Went through two surgeries and immunotherapy and doing fantastic. And so grateful, see life through new lens, hugging my boys ever much more, marrying in a handful of months. If it were to come back, I have other options and the researchers haven't stopped doing what they do. Best of luck to you and your soon to be wonderful family of three.


Diagnosed April 2018; Stage IIIc; 1 excision on head, started immuno (Opdivo) May 2018; new spots Oct. 2018; second surgery; continuing on Opdivo, finished Opdivo in March 2019

I'm Still Here!!!

ourvan - (6/6/2019 - 2:11pm)

Hoping by now you've gotten news - you've both been on my mind with hope and prayer for great results.