first of all, i want to apologize for typing and grammar errors, as i am no native speaker. I am living in Germany and work as a teacher (32 years old). I am married with a wonderful wife. I came across this site recently and i have the feeling that the people participating here do a tremendous job in supporting and giving knowledge to each other.
I am looking for support as well. Just a little medical background information: I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago with testicle cancer, but it was caught early and i was able to move on. I have many moles and a light skin, brown hair but a red colored beard. I am now seeking advice how to handle some events that took place a year ago. I would be grateful for any thoughts because at the moment, i feel like falling free.
A year ago, i found a mole on my right leg was kind of itchy. I went to the GP (was too lazy to go to a dermatologist and wait there etc.) and thought he would send me to a surgeon, but he told me he could take care of that. I had moles removed before and new it was no big deal, so i was happy with that. In the time between the first visit at the GP and the day of surgery, at the edge of the mole a bump emerged. It just grew out there within one week (or even less, who knows). It looked in fact like a bubble / blister but when i took a photo of it, i saw that it was indeed a tiny nodule in the exact same color as the edge of the mole. It was fairly small (maybe 2 mm in diameter). On the photo i took, it is even possible to see some really small vessels in it.
Some days later the mole was excised by the GP. During the surgery, he said that he would not send all of the material to the histology as "if its bad, all of it will be bad". I was just overwhelmed by this statement and kind of suppressed any thoughts about the whole thing. The (partial?) biopsy was send to a normal pathology. There, they just cut 2 slides from it and noted that it was a completely benign, perfectly normal nevus. It was not noted if he had achieved clear margins, but this seems unlikely: I moved on and noticed ca. 5 months later that there was coloration coming back at the scar.
I got this removed by a surgeon and it came back from a dermatopathology as a recurrence of a dysplastic nevus (still beningn). At this point, i wanted the first biopsy looked at by a proper dermapathology and had it reviewed again. They looked at it and i was told it was a in fact a dysplastic nevus, but of course they could only look at the 2 slides the previous pathology had cut out of the biopsy.
Since them, i can not get my mind to rest. I see the possibility (am almost convinced) of a missed melanoma and i just don´t know how to comfort myself, as there is no way how i could examine this any further. I went to several dermatologists, but they can not help me. I am just told i "should not be too concerned" but i was not told why i should not be worried at all.
I tried to research everything about misdiagnosed and in consequence "inadequately" removed melanomas (will there be metastasis or will there be local recurrence more likely) but i was not able to find much information, which seems to be logical as maybe there are many unknown cases. As well, i tried to gather information about benign nodules arriving fast at the edge of a dysplastic mole but i was not able to find anything in that direction.
I am now at a point where i don`t see the point in trying to push for further information, as it seems to be a question of fate / chance anyways, as it is often enough in life.
I would be really, really grateful for any advice regarding how to cope with the current situation. What can i do concretely? What should i think to comfort myself?
Thank you very much for reading this. I wish everybody here the best from the bottom of my heard.